Flare
Firecrackers have been losing me sleep. And with the Champion’s League in full flight, I’m falling into vampire mode again, where I’m asleep most of the day and awake in the early hours of the morning. It’s troubling, but I can’t help but notice that for the past 15 days before Wednesday, it wasn’t my fault. I blame thoughtlessness.
As far as I understand it to be, thoughtlessness is a predisposition of unwarranted selfishness, manifesting in those who were inconsiderate to begin with, and subsequently seeding into the minds of those who view it as acceptable to society. I must have been a dictionary in my previous life. Anyway, from my observations, there are 5 defined stages of thoughtlessness, as classified by a system I recently formulated. Introducing the kenJ staging of Thoughtlessness.
kenJ staging of Thoughtlessness
(Carcinoma of the Abstract Mind type I)
Stage 0: Characterized by thoughtfulness
E.g. Me
Stage I: Made thoughtful by the promise of reward
E.g. People other than me and Mother Teresa
Stage II: Moderately thoughtless
E.g. People who don’t help the odd blind guy cross the street
Stage III: Totally insensitive to the needs of others
E.g. People who fire crackers into the night sky
Stage IV: Complete absence of cognitive function
E.g. A vegetable, a brick, fried chicken
As you can see, this particular malignancy cannot be staged based on its size, nodal involvement, or metastasis (whatever that means). Also of note is the fact that any further categorization in either extreme simply does not exist. Anything higher than stage 4 is undefined for obvious reasons. Anything beneath stage zero is fatal. Because fatally thoughtful people would probably stop breathing to avoid depleting the world’s oxygen levels, or some such. That is to say, even if they did live once, they most definitely do so no longer.
At this point, you might have questions, such as “what the heck is wrong with kenJ?” “Has he fallen into St IV Ca AM I?” “Why the absurd elaboration?” “How is he comparable to Mommy T?” and “Uh, who was she again?”
What you see is likely a consequence of insufficient rest on my part required to display a proper form of coherence. But how can I fall asleep when all I can think of are the reasons I’m awake in the first place? However, from past experience, I’ve found myself at the peak of creativity when staring at the ceiling. So I decided to manipulate the situation to my advantage; by thinking up ways to ensure I’d never have to face such needless torture ever again. Among the devious devices devised, the most enduring was the release of propaganda in an attempt to scare the guilty into submission. (In brackets is the stage at which the corresponding device is most effective)
“They say that playing with firecrackers:
1) earns the ire of the sky god” (Stage IV)
2) leads to global warming” (Stage 0)
3) causes cancer” (Stage III)
There is no evidence that directly challenges all the above instances. And whilst at the same time there is no evidence to support these hypothetical excuses, people would still believe it. Because They said so. And if They said so, it has to be true. Then via the beauty of miscommunication, with the aid of specific channels that target superstitious rumormongers, fiction materializes into fact.
Soon, everyone will think that fireworks will destroy humanity, sheep, and all else that is good. Government sanctions will deem them unlawful. Religious beliefs will cast them alongside evil. Children will see them popping away in their nightmares. And then, perhaps most importantly, I would finally get some sleep.
Would you believe that, after so long, there’re still morons littering the sky with noise?
P.S. In another news, (which happens to be an absolutely unrelated event, with not even a remotely suggestive hint of association to the current topic of discussion) our vertically endowed friend JH has been recently ordained as M203’s tallest lamppost. Feel his pain.
As far as I understand it to be, thoughtlessness is a predisposition of unwarranted selfishness, manifesting in those who were inconsiderate to begin with, and subsequently seeding into the minds of those who view it as acceptable to society. I must have been a dictionary in my previous life. Anyway, from my observations, there are 5 defined stages of thoughtlessness, as classified by a system I recently formulated. Introducing the kenJ staging of Thoughtlessness.
kenJ staging of Thoughtlessness
(Carcinoma of the Abstract Mind type I)
Stage 0: Characterized by thoughtfulness
E.g. Me
Stage I: Made thoughtful by the promise of reward
E.g. People other than me and Mother Teresa
Stage II: Moderately thoughtless
E.g. People who don’t help the odd blind guy cross the street
Stage III: Totally insensitive to the needs of others
E.g. People who fire crackers into the night sky
Stage IV: Complete absence of cognitive function
E.g. A vegetable, a brick, fried chicken
As you can see, this particular malignancy cannot be staged based on its size, nodal involvement, or metastasis (whatever that means). Also of note is the fact that any further categorization in either extreme simply does not exist. Anything higher than stage 4 is undefined for obvious reasons. Anything beneath stage zero is fatal. Because fatally thoughtful people would probably stop breathing to avoid depleting the world’s oxygen levels, or some such. That is to say, even if they did live once, they most definitely do so no longer.
At this point, you might have questions, such as “what the heck is wrong with kenJ?” “Has he fallen into St IV Ca AM I?” “Why the absurd elaboration?” “How is he comparable to Mommy T?” and “Uh, who was she again?”
What you see is likely a consequence of insufficient rest on my part required to display a proper form of coherence. But how can I fall asleep when all I can think of are the reasons I’m awake in the first place? However, from past experience, I’ve found myself at the peak of creativity when staring at the ceiling. So I decided to manipulate the situation to my advantage; by thinking up ways to ensure I’d never have to face such needless torture ever again. Among the devious devices devised, the most enduring was the release of propaganda in an attempt to scare the guilty into submission. (In brackets is the stage at which the corresponding device is most effective)
“They say that playing with firecrackers:
1) earns the ire of the sky god” (Stage IV)
2) leads to global warming” (Stage 0)
3) causes cancer” (Stage III)
There is no evidence that directly challenges all the above instances. And whilst at the same time there is no evidence to support these hypothetical excuses, people would still believe it. Because They said so. And if They said so, it has to be true. Then via the beauty of miscommunication, with the aid of specific channels that target superstitious rumormongers, fiction materializes into fact.
Soon, everyone will think that fireworks will destroy humanity, sheep, and all else that is good. Government sanctions will deem them unlawful. Religious beliefs will cast them alongside evil. Children will see them popping away in their nightmares. And then, perhaps most importantly, I would finally get some sleep.
Would you believe that, after so long, there’re still morons littering the sky with noise?
P.S. In another news, (which happens to be an absolutely unrelated event, with not even a remotely suggestive hint of association to the current topic of discussion) our vertically endowed friend JH has been recently ordained as M203’s tallest lamppost. Feel his pain.
posted by Anonymous at
17:07
