As i'm sitting in my room, reading browsing through ppl punya blog (which by the way, the best read of the month goes to KY's blog :p ). i came across S blog, I can actually relate to what she feels, especially the first part of her blog...cause u know what, i feel exactly the same way too! well im talking about being afraid/tired of mediocrasy. You know its tough when you know you ain't that smart after all, coming into med school ppl automatically label u as a smart ass who scores all A's in all exams, and hey, i would like to think that about myself as well. But then school starts and you start to realize..."damn its tough, but hey, im smart i should be able to do this..." and somehow along the line, you realize you are always being disappointed by yourself.I feel i have been living in denial of sorts all my life as well. I share your sentiments S, when we think that, or like to think that, our failures are cause we are lazy, but actually we are smart. I guess its a pathological defense mechanism which I have been putting up all my life, to indirectly blame laziness for my mediocre results, and say "hey if i had put in effort i sure can get A no problem wan".
My dad always told me "you are only an average student, you have to work hard to be able do well". And I never really belived what he said, cause well, I did pretty well in the mickey mouse exams masquerading as UPSR, PMR and SPM...without studying much...but 3 years into medicine and so many disappointments after, I have to accept the fact that he is right, no matter how much it pains me to do so....
Maybe there should be a average joes anonymous, to help those ppl to accept their mediocre brains and median levels of IQ. so that they can finally accept the fact that in order to succeed, they have to work their a$$ off. But im fortunate enough to still be in med school and im thankful for the opportunities I have to make up for loss time. As they say its never too late to start, and i guess here and now is the best time to begin. I No Smart--- deal with it....S-T-U-D-Y-!!!!